Covenant Marriage is a False Promise

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"Covenant Marriage is a False Promise" -- February 20, 2005

Last week, Arkansas Governor Huckabee made national news for something other than being named “Huckabee” (only in Arkansas). The Governor, his wife and thousands of other couples gathered together on Valentine’s Day to enter into so-called “covenant marriages.”

Arkansas is one of the growing numbers of states to have created this special kind of marriage. A covenant marriage is distinguished from a regular marriage in that the couple must agree to engage in pre-marital counseling and divorce under very limited circumstances; and only then after a lengthy waiting period.

Of course, the covenant marriage was established to strengthen marriage; something desperately needed in a country where the divorce rate is almost as high as Rosie O’Donnell’s body fat percentage. Yet, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the covenant marriage isn’t the answer to our marital woes.

The covenant marriage isn’t really a marital covenant at all. Its distinguishing characteristic is that it makes divorce that much more difficult. In fact, it should really be called the “covenant divorce,” because that’s where all of the promises lie – in determining when you can get out of the darn thing.

What we desperately need in this country is a true covenant marriage; one where the covenants actually extend to the marriage itself. Each husband and wife needs to be bound to perform certain duties. That way, couples will actually want to be married for the rest of their lives, or at least, until the kids go off to college in 16 years, 4 months and 11 days (hypothetically speaking, of course).

For instance, in a real covenant marriage, the husband would have certain obligations to help out around the house. At the very least, he would be required to pick up his own socks and not wait around for the “sock fairy” to do it for him.

Also, at least once a month, the husband would be required to sit down and listen while his wife explained his shortcomings as a lover, companion and parent. Actually, if you’re marriage is anything like mine, this probably occurs weekly (if not daily) in your home already. However, under a covenant marriage, the husband would be required to actually take these complaints seriously. In fact, he might even be required to turn off the TV during the conversation.

Of course, marriage is a two-way street. Wives should also have obligations to meet their husbands’ incredibly complex needs (i.e., more sex). Therefore, at least once a week, married couples should be required to have sex … with each other. And I’m not referring to that “Hurry up and get this over with, I have to be up in five hours to get the kids ready for school” sex either. I mean good sex; like the kind single people have on a regular basis.

In all seriousness, if we want to strengthen our marital bonds, it’s not enough to simply tie the knot tighter. We need to introduce covenants that will increase the levels of sharing, caring and communication within the marriage itself. Now, if you will excuse me, I think my wife has finished yelling at me from the other room, so it’s safe to go back to watching TV now.

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