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"The Law is Not an Ass; The People Are" -- January 23, 2005 It’s been said that “the law is an ass.” Well, after spending the last three years scouring the Internet for offbeat legal news (and, of course, a mistress), I’ve come to the conclusion that the law is not an ass; the people are. The truth of the matter is that the law is very sensible. For example, as an American citizen, the law provides me with a reasonable expectation of privacy. As a result, I don’t have to worry about the police charging into my home to find me in the bathroom reading, say, Mistress Weekly. My wife may disagree, but this seems perfectly reasonable. Yet, some people attempt to twist our reasonable laws to suit their own purposes. As a result, the picture that most people get of the law looks more distorted than if they took it to Wal-Mart to get developed. To illustrate, let’s take the bizarre case of Lonnie Maurice Hill. In 2003, Hill picked up a prostitute and drove her to a very romantic spot for their interlude – a convenience store restroom. Stay with me here because the story gets better. The store clerk, who must have had the unenviable job of cleaning the restroom, called the police immediately. Within just minutes, two officers arrived on the scene. Several minutes later, the couple emerged, Hill with his pants undone and loosely held by a belt. Unfortunately, in his haste to get dressed, Hill forgot a few minor items in the restroom, like his marijuana, cocaine and measuring scale. And when he returned to his little “love nest” to retrieve them, the officers were waiting for him with outstretched arms (hopefully, covered in heavy latex). Hill was ultimately sentenced to four months in jail on drug charges. Sadly, Hill’s conviction wasn’t the end of the story; it was just the beginning. After being released from jail, Hill set out to restore his “good name.” He appealed the conviction by arguing that the evidence against him should have been thrown out because the police violated … you guessed it … his “reasonable expectation of privacy.” Talk about being UNreasonable. Let’s face it. You don’t even have a reasonable expectation that a visit to a public restroom won’t result in a tetanus shot. Therefore, you certainly can’t reasonably expect to carry on Marion Barry’s social life in there. Fortunately, the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals ultimately denied Hill’s appeal. Yet, it couldn’t do so without first wasting taxpayer time and money in the process. First, the court had to convene oral arguments, in which Hill’s lawyer must have said something like, “If they’re in the public commode, the evidence of drugs is null and vode.” Then, the justices had to go back into chambers to give serious debate to this issue. Finally, they had to summarize their decision in a lengthy legal opinion, which basically reads: “Yeah right!” And sadly, Hill’s case isn’t an isolated incident. Just this week, a Wisconsin high school student sued his school for giving him too much homework. And earlier this month, Don King sued ESPN for $2.5 billion because they portrayed him as a crook and con man in a recent documentary (can you believe it?). My friends, if the law is indeed an ass, I think you know what that makes the rest of us.
RECEIVE A FREE COPY OF MY E-BOOK As I attempt to further syndicate this weekly legal humor column, I thought it might be helpful to provide some comments from the more than 30,000 monthly visitors to this site. With your help, this column could find its way in your local newspaper in the coming months. Also, for those of you who take a moment to help me in this regard, I'll send you a FREE copy of my e-book, 2002: A Lawpsided Year in Review. Thank you in advance. Sean Carter If you enjoyed this article, then you will love Sean Carter's collection of irreverent legal commentaries, 2002: A Lawpsided Year in Review. This hilarious e-book may be purchased for $7.95 by clicking here. Also, to view other recent commentaries, click here. GET THE NEXT LAWPSIDED PIECE DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR MAILBOX If you would like to receive Lawpsided in your mailbox each week, subscribe by entering your e-mail address below: |
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