|
|
|
Bring America's Funniest Legal Humorist to Your Corporate, Charitable or Educational Event
Click on the picture to listen to an audio sample
To listen to more samples,
Play the Black Man's Law Dictionary Challenge (if you dare)
Click on the book to download an excerpt from If It Does Not Fit, Must You Acquit?
|
"The Robert Blake Trial: Lessons in Stupidity" -- January 23, 2005 As a humorist (i.e., someone without a real job), I have plenty of time to ponder the mysteries of the universe. What killed the dinosaurs? Will we ever find intelligent life on other planets? Can Rosie O’Donnell possibly get any fatter? Well, my efforts have paid off. I’ve come to conclusions on two of these matters. First of all, I’ve concluded that the dinosaurs are all gone now because O’Donnell ate them. Second, until cows, pigs and doughnuts also become extinct, O’Donnell’s weight will continue to increase. Now, as for whether we will ever find intelligent life on other planets, I’ve decided that it really doesn’t matter. At least, not until we first find some intelligent life on this planet. And judging from the ongoing Robert Blake trial, we just might have a better chance of finding O’Donnell’s belly button. The Blake trial is setting new lows in the field of cognitive impairment. In fact, if the cast of characters involved in this case were any less intelligent, we’d have to dig for their IQs. Take, for instance, the defendant, Robert Blake. This is the same man who allegedly killed his wife, but not before first, leaving messages on her answering machine saying that she deserved to be killed. To make matters worse, Blake contacted three different men to solicit their help in killing her. However, he ultimately decided that the old adage is true: “If you want something done wrong, then you must do it yourself.” Therefore, he hatched a ridiculous plot in which his alibi would be … get this … that he was retrieving his gun from the restaurant at the time of the shooting. And sadly, it appears that Blake was the “brains” behind the entire operation. At trial, prosecutors will be calling the three men mentioned earlier. Each of these men is going to testify that Blake asked them to kill his wife. Yet, amazingly, not one of them thought that perhaps they should relay this information to the police (or at least, The National Enquirer) beforehand. Now, if this was just one person, I wouldn’t be so down on the entire species. After all, even in the smartest family, there’s always one person wading in the kiddie end of the gene pool. How else do you explain Roger Clinton, Billy Carter and the executives at record companies? Yet, in this case, stupidity went 3-for-3. And remember, these are just the people bold enough to come forward to the police. Blake probably made his request of dozens of slightly smarter people, who perhaps now realize that the correct answer to a solicitation of murder is not “No thank you.” And remember, we haven’t even heard from the truly cognitively challenged yet – the jury. If things hold true to form, they’ll rule that Bakley was killed by those pesky Columbian drug lords. Of course, if they do, then Blake and O.J. can join forces to hunt down the “real killers.” And perhaps, in their search, they will also find intelligent life on another planet. Because, let’s face it, they aren’t going to find it here on earth; especially not in an American courtroom.
RECEIVE A FREE COPY OF MY E-BOOK As I attempt to further syndicate this weekly legal humor column, I thought it might be helpful to provide some comments from the more than 30,000 monthly visitors to this site. With your help, this column could find its way in your local newspaper in the coming months. Also, for those of you who take a moment to help me in this regard, I'll send you a FREE copy of my e-book, 2002: A Lawpsided Year in Review. Thank you in advance. Sean Carter If you enjoyed this article, then you will love Sean Carter's collection of irreverent legal commentaries, 2002: A Lawpsided Year in Review. This hilarious e-book may be purchased for $7.95 by clicking here. Also, to view other recent commentaries, click here. GET THE NEXT LAWPSIDED PIECE DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR MAILBOX If you would like to receive Lawpsided in your mailbox each week, subscribe by entering your e-mail address below: |
|
Copyright © 2001-2006 Lawpsided Press
|
